For Better or For Worse

When we get married, the majority of us who don't create our own vows, hear a list like the following:

"for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health" 

To me that means we will most likely face all of those extreme opposite situations and everything in between.  There is no way a person can stay the exact same person having gone through all these extreme experiences, highs and lows, but the one thing that should remain conisistent is our love and loyalty because the end of that long list is ...till death do us part!  So many people I hear say, well he or she changed and they are not who I married so I have fallen out of love...those FEELINGS are not the vows we took when we married!  Yes, it takes a lot of work, but if we focus on these vows more every day of our married life, we would not be swept away at the first sight of what we think is greener pasture.  And make sure you are nurturing your relationship with the Lord even better since He comes before your spouse and will only make "working on your relationship with your spouse" SO much easier!

The following thoughts are what brought this idea to mind, so please ponder it with me:

What is the difference between a couple who is married, treats each other poorly, has a shelter, a spouse to live with, enough money for all their needs and a car to get around in whenever they need run somewhere

vs
a couple who is married, has a loving companionship, is homeless, has no vehicle and no consistent shelter, yet still remains to do all they can to get back on their feet financially?

I hope you can see the difference with me.  Especially during these tough economic times, people are having to cut back on those "things" that the first couple had to keep them busy and so now there is more focus on the time and love and companionship...When we get married, we need to respect and love and cherish our spouse no matter what changes in life...for Better or for Worse.  That love and respect will help us endure during these "worse" times that a lot of us might be facing right now until we get back to the "better" again.  Matthew 19:1-12

Pictured above is a past "better" time and cheesy things like this are what get us through

our "worse" times, laughter makes our hearts grow fonder!

ToBeABride Hit the Road!

I have to start this off by thanking my wonderful "Fair Friend" connection who made this all possible, God works in mysterious ways and according to HIS purpose...Romans 8:28:) I had the opportunity to take the ToBeABride.com Blog on the road and have a booth at a Bridal Show in Santa Barbara this last Sunday. And just how he likes it, Satan was trying to tear me down and make me doubt myself during the whole drive there and boy did God step right in and blow him away ALL day long! The booth consisted of a banner stating "ToBeABride.com: Live your life as a Bride to both your husband and Jesus Christ...You'll be glad you did!" and about 30 or so sample books to show women's, men's, general and pre-marital perspectives. I have been building an inventory since I started the blog so that I can have them to be given away and this was definitely a place to do it! I gave books away to engaged men, engaged women, mothers & in-laws and even some who weren't related to a "Bridal Show" situation at all, but God led them to the booth that day! The following are several stories from my day at the Bridal Show and please check back now and then to see if I added anymore stories because if I forget any by the time I post this, I'll just add them on. Please enjoy and provide comments wherever the spirit leads you. I love you all and am so thankful for how God is using this Blog for ALL OF US to encourage each other along life's roads.

The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman
A gentleman walked up to the booth and was looking at the books and gasped before he said, "Oh, The 5 Love Languages, that book saved my marriage." As we continued to talk, he shared how he and his wife have passed the book on to several other married couples who they feel the book has done the same for them and he even recalled one couple getting REMARRIED as a result! God, THANK YOU for using this book to touch so many marriages!
That is the point of this blog is to encourage each other and pass on ways that we can keep our marriages ALIVE and CONNECTED and following God's plan for our lives by remaining with the one He chose for us to share His roads with. Each of us can touch someone else by sharing how a book worked in our lives and these one on one heart to heart conversations share our passion for how sacred marriage is to each of us. Don't hold back if you think you have a story that can help someone else!

Wild at Heart by John Eldredge
This was the MOST commented on book during the whole day. You'd think that the women would be the talkers, but actually the men shared how touched they were all day long and especially by this book! One gentleman was at the booth with his fiance and mother/in-law and he noticed this book. He mentioned to the ladies that a friend had told him what a great book it was, so I gave it to him after he promised to read it. I gave away four of this book that day and each time I shared my husband's point of view on this book, it melted every single guy. When my husband first read this book years ago, he called me and said, "If you want to understand me, read this book called Wild at Heart."
Another Mother-in-law was at the show and has been praying for her engaged daughter and her fiance non-stop. Her daughter is letting her know how tired she is of hearing, "Have you prayed about that?" and so the mother has been trying to find other ways to let her know her daughter that she cares. She mentioned that she knows her future son-in-law really likes to read and glanced down at the books and thought out loud, "Maybe that's what I need to do is try to find something for him since he's the reader." I immediately picked up Wild at Heart and handed it to her, again sharing my husband's story. She was so excited to get that book and send it to her future son-in-law.

Romancing Your Husband by Debra White Smith
This is the cutest story! A couple walked by the booth and were standing on the corner talking when the man turned and was looking at the books on the corner of the table where Romancing Your Husband happened to be placed. He was definitely eyeing that book then he walked away for a moment. As soon as he walked away I teased the lady, "Quick, hurry, he's gone, grab that book. I'm telling ya, he was looking at that book right before he left, he'd want you to have it." She began laughing hysterically and I convinced her that I was serious and she could have the book for FREE, so she finally took it and placed it in her bag just before he returned. I'd LOVE to hear the results of that book, I hope they have fun with it AFTER their big day!

God's Word!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hugs Bible
There was a sweet lady who stopped by the booth and mentioned that she used to have a Bible, but doesn't really know where it is now. She was thumbing through the Hugs Bible when I mentioned that I'd love for her to have that Bible if she promises to read it every now and then and she agreed. She was so thankful, it was precious!

God's Word!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Women of Faith Bible
I only left my booth two times on Sunday, once to use a restroom and once to say a quick comment to the photographer across the way. When I glanced back at the booth, there was a young lady standing there looking at the books and I didn't want to miss anyone, so I returned. Thank you God for prompting me that she was an important person to return to! I gave her my normal comment, "I have a blog that encourages marriages and these are a sample of books that can help us along the way." I got nothing, but she was intently thumbing through the books and gazing intently. I asked, "Are you engaged?" No. "Are you dating?" Finally a smile, but a response, "No, none of that, I'm just working here today." Well, this just happened to be in the last 45 minutes of the show when nearly every vendor at their booths didn't pay hardly any attention because they were restless to pack up and leave. Thank you Lord for giving me patience this day and being attentive because where the conversation led next was unbelievable! I asked, "Have you ever owned a Bible?" and she responded "I've never even gone to church before or anything, I don't know about any of this." So I began to share about a relationship with Jesus Christ and kept going from there...she was SOOOO open and just kept listening and making eye contact and just thirsting for more. I told her I would love for her to have that Bible if she promised me she'd read it every now and then, but she said she didn't think she would...so I told her I'd love to make that sacrifice and chance that she would.

OH WHAT A DAY, THIS IS THE DAY THAT THE LORD HAS MADE, I WILL REJOICE AND BE GLAD IN IT, THIS IS THE DAY, THIS IS THE DAY, THAT THE LORD HAS MADE!

Wedding Video GUARANTEED to make you smile! - Now APPLY it!

You may be laughing when you first see this video because it IS very fun! But I found myself bawling when thinking about what a PERFECT example it is of how our wedding day with the Lord will be!!!!!!!!! I love it:) Enjoy this video.

I usually don't write the whole verse, but I am too overwhelmed with Jubilation today:)Revelation 19:6-8 (New International Version)
6Then I heard what sounded like a great multitude, like the roar of rushing waters and like loud peals of thunder, shouting: "Hallelujah! For our Lord God Almighty reigns. 7Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready. 8Fine linen, bright and clean, was given her to wear." (Fine linen stands for the righteous acts of the saints.)

Serving a Bride is a beautiful feeling!

I got married almost 5 years ago now and I will never forget the peaceful feeling of knowing that my wedding site was in good hands with my two great friends from High School! Well, it was time to return the favor last month and serving with a happy and loving heart is such a great feeling. My childhood friend got married and I was able to be there for HERfinally and take a look at the Photographer's blog to see how much it stood out (the photographer was also a high school friend, she did a beautiful job and travels anywhere - http://www.lisafitts.com/)! She noticed that there were so many people helping out for this wedding that's what she chose to reference in HER quote for HER blog, it was definitely a great group of gals this Bride chose for her wedding party!

Congratulations Kyle and Alicia, may your life be filled with blessings from above and always have a heart to serve one another. Romans 14:18-19

Remembering a Legacy of a Bride!

It's been 1 year already since my precious Grammie passed away. We just buried her ashes on Friday and I am convinced she left a legacy that will NEVER be forgotten! The memories that were recalled among us ALWAYS referred to her sweet sweet personality that would never say anything bad about anyone, always on her knees in prayer when she was going through hard times and always encouraging others during their times of distress. My Grammie is a prime example of how we should live our life as a member of the Bride of Christ. Grammie quoted Ephesians 4:32 in the Memorial DVD from her interviews in 2006 when I recorded her talking about her life story.

Why would anyone look at the glass half empty?

I have been wanting to share something for a few months, but have been scared too. BUT that's what I want this Blog to be about, is helping each other on the things that really ARE tough. Even though I have God in my life everything isn't easy, BUT how can I look at a glass half empty when I know that God WILL take care of me...and now when I look back at the last several months, it is all the more encouraging how much He carried me!

I have been able to share with two marriages what I am going to share with hopefully many many more now as I write this and please pass it along to all you know because it seems to hit me every time I say it, just how important it is to remember. When my husband and I got married, we agreed that we would NEVER mention divorce and so we never really ever even think that way, let alone say it. Well, we had some rough times these past 6 months and I never thought my marriage would get to that point so it was then that I had to make the decision so that I WOULD NOT think that way anymore. It was like I had to renew my vow to myself. My choices were 1) Do you want to stay with this man no matter what? If yes, then you must continue trudging forward and never look back, working every situation through and continue living according to the promise we made when we married, Divorce is NOT an option. 2) Do you want to keep letting yourself get SO angry every time we hit a rough spot and let my mind get to the point of hurt and sorrow that it was at? If so, then you will not be happy and you are not living as God would want you to live with this husband of yours.

If you would simply love your husband the right way and look at the situations/confrontations the right way, ALL will be at peace. Thankfully I chose option 1 and I am so blessed that I did. I'm not saying it was easy from that day forward, but it really was because I chose not to look back, I made a decision to live a certain way and without God, it would NOT have been possible. I looked at the Glass Half Full and it was way more than half full when I relied on God and now when I look back, that's what got me through without a doubt! Thank you Lord for saving me, what can I say, You are my Everything, I will sing Your praise! Great are You Lord, Your truth has set me FREE! Revelations 21:2-4

Good Viral Forwarding:) I PROMISE!

I received this in an Email today and couldn't help, but share it with you all!

Look back and thank God.
Look forward and trust God.
Look around and serve God.
Look within and find God!

God closes doors no man can open.
God opens doors no man can close.

"God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever...." -Psalms 73:26

Learning Love Languages!

If you haven't read the book "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman, I recommend it! I read it when we first got married and it's one of those I want to read again! It talks about the 5 languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch. I know that my language is time and boy did I get it last weekend! One of the events I work always falls on my birthday, so my husband decided to celebrate my life early and it was PERFECT! Every year for every celebration or holiday, my husband asks me what I want and I know husbands get mad when we say "Nothing," but mine finally got it! All I want is time with him!

I am reading another book right now called "For Women Only" by Shaunti Feldhahn. It was recommended to me by a mentor and then my husband bought it for me at the "Weekend to Remember" marriage retreat! What a blessing this book has been and I hope my husband starts feeling the repercussions from it because I am learning that "Words of Affirmation" is his love language through RESPECT! Very Key:) FYI, There is also a book that has a similar cover by the same author that is called "For Men Only." They are both short, easy to read books. I Corinthians 16:6-7

I can't stop saying THANK YOU!

I am overwhelmed by what the Lord is doing with my life! Every time I think, WOW He's really done it this time, something else happens and so finally I say..."Thank you Lord!" rather than "I can't believe this is happening!" I am a real planner, but I have learned that my way of thinking needs to have Faith that I will get what I want and more (WITHOUT thinking about it) if I focus on the NOW rather than my FUTURE.

I started this blog with the hope of putting a conversation starter out there for people to stumble across, see a heart being spilled out so that they hopefully get something that helps them in their walk with the Lord, then in turn spill out their heart so that it can help all of us who are reading it! My husband mentioned the other day that he has been thinking about what he is going to write for this blog and hopefully that will get more men involved as well. I know there are some awesome Men of God reading this and I hope you pass the word on, because Christian men and women, we are ALL the BRIDE of CHRIST (I know men find it hard to be a BRIDE, but you are:)). I try not to focus my examples only on being a bride to my husband, but life in general because this blog is about being the BRIDE of CHRIST more than anything!

All this to say, as I walk through life, the little things should get just as much attention as the bigger things that God is doing in our walk with Him. Thank God for it ALL and you will experience ongoing JOY because the little blessings are just as exciting as what used to be considered the big blessings! Matthew 6:19-22

Have you gotten to a point in life that the little blessings aren't paid attention to? Thank God for it ALL!

My 1st Giveaway!

Well, I figure that I've shared enough about the movie Fireproof that I want to give it away so for the next few months I'm going to give the movie away. If you haven't seen it, this will be your chance to get it for free and hopefully impact you the same it has me. It's coming out on DVD and I have pre-ordered it so I want you to write me and be a guest blogger...share with me and the rest of the world (because you are giving me permission to post your response on the blog) about anything you have learned from marriage or anything you love about marriage, anything you want. You can email BaleyPlascencia@yahoo.com your posts to me or use the comment link below. And please share any Bible verses that you think would be helpful in relation to your story! I'm very excited about this because I have been asking a couple friends who are getting married to write for me and I know when they get time they will, but this might give them some great ideas and encouragement! I love you all and thank you for having fun and loving the Lord with me in all you do, His JOY is what keeps us going. Psalm 51:12
I'll choose two winners every month for the next few months so keep sending me your stories and the winners will have their blog posted as well as receive a DVD of Fireproof. Have fun!

Men Need to be Romanced Too!

I romanced my husband last night, oh boy did I! I'm going to leave the rest to your imagination, but let me tell you ladies...it pays off to be creative because I have had a totally different husband today! It's not that we haven't done these things before, but that I did it so willingly and went over the top with my willingness to participate. That is romance to MY husband:) It doesn't have to be cheesy, girly stuff like we expect...just be willing and go for it!!! Have fun with your lover tonight, surprise him with your efforts! Read Song of Solomon for some breath-taking ideas for loving your spouse.

Don't wait to Fireproof your marriage!

I have been married to my wonderful Christian husband for over four years now. Little did we know that for the last four years, there have been three identical issues that have been on both our minds, but never discussed between us. A little over a month ago we exchanged some very unkind words to each other about one of these three issues and it was the last straw for both of us. We both broke down separately and knew we needed to do something about the way we were heading. I don't know if we were in denial the last four years or if we were just that bad at communicating, we both just held it in and tried to get over it. Well, obviously that wasn't working! That Sunday when we went to church, our pastor mentioned that he and his wife had gone to see the movie FIREPROOF and that if you have ever been married and had problems, been married and never had problems, never been married, were engaged to be married, might ever be married or ever knew someone who has married...that you need to go see this movie. You get it right? You should go see this movie! We did and it really did put a fire in our hearts about how we were treating each other. We have five local movie theaters and only one of them was playing the movie. I drove by the theater again today and it was still playing, so try to take a date night to go see it. I promise you won't regret it! And if you don't see it while it's in the movie theaters then rent it as soon as it comes out. Read Ephesians 5 for a great passage about Wives & Husbands...I am praying for the little big things in your marriage today.

For as long as you both shall live

So several months ago, it may have even been a year ago, my husband and I were talking...okay maybe I was talking and he was being a great listener (as usual)! BUT I was explaining to him how I pray for women so much when I hear about them getting married because I know how the mind works during this time for most of us. We immediately switch gears into focusing on the WEDDING DAY and completely ignore anything beyond that DAY because that DAY is what is important.

Well, I attended a wedding this weekend that was the most precious wedding I think I have ever attended! I know we all want Christ to be the center, but are we really making Him the center of our relationships? Every part of this wedding and reception that I attended this weekend gave me confidence that this couple was DEFINITELY making Him the center of their life together. No matter how perfect we want our wedding day to be, we need to focus even more on what will happen after that day and for the rest of our lives. If Christ is at the center of our life together than we have nothing to fear because He WILL get us through. We have a sweet God who wants us to enjoy a life together so that we can be a light for Him to others. That's what marriage is for...a testimony. Psalms 27:1

Laugh...It'll make you feel better!

Don't forget to smile, laugh, kiss, hug or any of those other feel good actions you do when you love someone. I know, sometimes I don't feel like doing it either, but have found that in those times when you least feel like it is when you should do it the most. It makes me feel a lot better because I know that's what God wants most...JOY in my life (Psalms 30)!

So next time your husband leaves the house and you didn't have a warm departure, be sure that when he walks back through that door at the end of the day...he only feels warmth and sees a smile on your face. That's how you would greet the Lord wouldn't you? I pray for us to have renewed love for our husbands daily through the Lord and that He may have JOY watching us interact with our husband knowing that we are just practicing for the day we meet up with Him in the clouds! Woohoo!!! 1 Thessalonians 4:17

With God, Nothing is Impossible!

Have you ever had one of those days where you think, "Man I need to call Dr. Laura and see what she has to say!"?? Or your Mom, or your sister, or that one friend, but then you realize the only reason you want to call that person is because you want to hear that what you think is RIGHT and they are that magic person who will confirm you are! Awe, caught! Well, today was one of those days for me, AGAIN. I really don't enjoy them at all, but when I look back on it, it was just another trial that had to be part of making me ME. ...oh I don't want to say it...ooooohhh, OK. Thank you Lord.
It has been a hard thing to learn, and it's only been with practice, but when I do want to call Dr. Laura, my Mom, sister or whoever...that is exactly when I stop myself and say, "No Baley, you need to be calling on your Heavenly Father right now and YES, He will give you the right answer even if it's not your right answer." Although I did not call anyone today, it still took me a long time before I went to the Lord because I didn't want to hear what I knew He had to say:) Caught AGAIN! Mark 10:27 can get me through and I pray it will get you through as well.
This is a picture of my brother and I, who lives over 500 miles away, but every time I think of him it lifts me up! Remember the things that make you happy in life and know they are worth living for.

Our Wedding Day

If you look for the Lord in the details, He's there! I discussed this blog with my husband a couple weeks ago to make sure I had his support. Many things I share will come from our life as the example, so it's only fair that I let him know that I will be writing to the world about our personal life right? Here is a picture of my husband and I so that you can know who we are as we write to you through this Blog. Yes, I have asked him if he would do some posts now and then too so that this may be a blog for both sexes, not just a girly, mushy blog from my heart, but that men might enjoy it as well!
I set up the account yesterday with hopes to write my first post this week. It only just dawned on me though, that today we are attending a wedding, which I know will be most beautiful, since it is a formal wedding being held at the Richard Nixon Library in Yorba Linda, CA. I am very excited since I have never been there, but also because a wedding ceremony will make it all the more beautiful of a location to me forever! All this to say, the Lord knows His plans and if we will let them fall into place and acknowledge Him along the way...He will help us to enjoy our life all the more. I enjoy the idea of blogging more and more, but I have been wanting to do it for the Lord, so with this right mind set, He's working it all into place and at His pace! Now, I must go get ready for the big day, but pray this first post will encourage you to think about your wedding day with the Lord! How will you dress your heart in preparation for our wedding day with HIM? (1 Peter 3:3-4) It is coming my dear brothers and sisters and we need to look forward to that DAY like we did our own wedding day. Oh, it gives me the tingles, I love you Lord!

~10/23/08~While we waited for the wedding to start, we viewed the headstones for Mr & Mrs Nixon. And in my eyes, the quote on her headstone topped off the setting for a wedding, "Even when people can't speak your language, they can tell if you have love in your heart." That is my goal in life, that people can see Christ so evident in my love for them...even without words. I pray this is also yours. ~