"They ALWAYS Say..." & It's TRUE, but...!

(They always say) So many studies say that Finances=Fights in marriages and unfortunately (it's true) many divorces.  I just wish that all those involved in divorce could have been educated a little more and been willing to give it more time and another chance because I bet a large majority of those could have been avoided if they had really learned how to simply work together on (but) finances=result of major stress reduction=a saved marriage in several cases! 

I'm always excited to share a resource when I find one and this time it's a Biblical Perspective on Finances.  If you haven't heard of Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University yet, then I encourage you to take a long hard LISTEN!  My husband and I have yanked the control back and forth from each other due to exhaustion over arguing and being accused of being the reason for our tough luck for the first 6 years of our marriage, but the first day I was asked to listen to Dave's radio show...we were SUDDENLY on the same page.  We both completely agreed with him, no doubt so we better get with it and do whatever he suggests if that's the only way we are going to agree.  So we did and we've been putting some tools in practice for the last year or more and we finally have PEACE in our marriage.  It is amazing how much STRESS this one things adds to your marriage.  Phew!  And we just began Financial Peace University two weeks ago and it's a 13 week session, but we are excited to implement the rest of what we haven't done yet and make sure we really get the hang of it.  All this to say, PLEASE make the effort to look at your finances TOGETHER so that hopefully you can eliminate some unnecessary added stress on your relationship!  The goal is so that you can live and have enough to give.  Malachi 3:10 - if we are good care-takers of our finances, we will have bountiful blessings to offer to the Lord AND our missions we have passion for!

Our Husbands Want to be Brides TOO!

Many of us women love to organize every detail of the house and make sure all are cared for, but often times this means we are also saying too much and going overboard so that our husband is not left alone to take care of his duties without our barging in, you know who you are:) ~Well, I'm one of those women too and I'm not proud of it.  It's something I am constantly working on, but I have relaxed too much on "working on it" for the last year or so.  I have discovered that it is a perfect definition of not submitting and as a result turns my husband into a helpless soul who doesn't seem to get anything right...according to MY standards.  That's when I had to say WHOA there cowgirl, you need to get back in the saddle of God right now!  Ephesians 4:16

A Beautiful Bride is with the Groom

It seems so surreal.  My husband heard on the news on November 29th that there had been six soldiers killed and what a horrific story of betrayal by those our men are training.  After he shared the story with me, we both thought what a sad story.  Then two days later I got the news that my friend's son had been killed in Afghanistan and when sharing the tears and story with my husband, we realized the connection.  What heartbreak we felt since I knew this soldier's father. 

We attended the memorial service today and what a day!  I remember when the soldier's father got the news a couple years ago that his son was called to war and we shared tears then of fear of the unknown.  No matter how scared this father was, he was so proud that his son had made the decision to volunteer and even more proud was that soldier when I had the honor of meeting him in uniform before he was deployed!  That proud father was still proud today and can live life knowing that his son sacrificed for all of us and knew what he was doing all along the way.  That young man is a Christian and to hear EVERY person talk during the service let his WALK with the Lord shine right through their stories without any need to say, he did it because he was Christian.  I think every person in that service knew, he did it because he wanted to live like Jesus and to do that, you live like Jesus...showing so much love and compassion to your immediate family all the way to your entire country you are fighting for!  I am forever thankful to this young man and will NEVER forget the impact and respect I never knew I have for every person who fights for our country.  THANK YOU.  Romans 8:28 was the verse of the day at the service.

Prayer Journaling is so encouraging!

My sweet Mama taught me to keep a prayer journal a few years ago when I was having some trying times. She encouraged me that it would only help my relationship with the Lord and if I would try to keep it up, it would become an ongoing delight to keep it up.  Well, part of this journal is to go back and write in dates prayers were answered or updates to situations or questions/comments/and other documentation about a prayer request.  I don't write down EVERY SINGLE prayer I pray, just ones that strike me as a goal in life or a struggle to overcome or something that I need to improve on with my spiritual walk.  If you have not started one, I encourage you to do so today and don't make it a HUGE thing that you want to commit to writing in it daily or even weekly, just as often as you have something really touch your heart and then it's easier to stick with it!

All this to preface an absolute ANSWER to prayer for me this week!!! I am so unbelievably thankful and to many it may not seem like much, but because I know the things that have been prayed for around this request, the trials that have been on this path and the hurdles I have overcome in strengthening my relationship with Jesus AND my husband...I PRAISE God for answered prayer.  My husband and I just began attending a Bible Study TOGETHER and what a precious relief for both of us.  It's so wonderful to hear how only the first night worked on both our hearts and that the Lord's timing was PERFECT for both of us to finally join together in this precious journey.  Proverbs 31:12

Have you been prayed FOR lately?

I have been absolutely down in the dumps lately and there are just some people who you know you have in your life that you avoid because they will make you get that yucky attitude out of your system.  For me it's my Mom and a couple Christian friends...well, I'm SO thankful for my friend who slapped me around the other night...okay so maybe she didn't slap me, but she showered me with prayers and what a blessing it was!  I have had a completely different attitude and outlook on what I need to improve upon in my life.  Thank you Lord that my friend was such a Bride to me and let your love shine through when I needed it most.  I love you.  1 Kings 8:37-39

Things to Think About During Desperate Times

Don't EVER let ANYBODY let you think they have the whole marriage thing down, no matter how perfect they seem as a couple in front of you. Things go on behind doors in EVERY marriage.  There are a couple MAIN things to keep in mind:

You are the ONLY one who knows BOTH sides of your marriage (your spouse does too, but I mean for people you will ever talk to or consult about your marriage)

Once you evaluate your marriage appropriately, you really need to decide whether you are IN or you are OUT and STICK with that decision otherwise it's not fair to yourself, your spouse or your kids to go up and down up and down emotionally...I know we should have made this decision when we said our wedding vows, but things change and people change after that day UNFORTUNATELY.

Are you and/or your spouse Christians and how is your RELATIONSHIP with Jesus Christ? Not just attending church or doing prayers, but your direct relationships with Jesus Christ? You both need to have this relationship on your own before any marriage can work the way marriage was made to work. So if one or both of you is not close to Jesus Christ then 1st YOU need to become a Christian, I can help you do that if you want and 2nd YOU need to live a life as a beautiful bride so that your spouse will be drawn to that lifestyle.  This is THE determining factor in your marriage along with knowing that YOU are the ONLY thing you can change.
Hopefully these are some good things to think about:) I Corinthians 7:12-16

For Better or For Worse

When we get married, the majority of us who don't create our own vows, hear a list like the following:

"for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health" 

To me that means we will most likely face all of those extreme opposite situations and everything in between.  There is no way a person can stay the exact same person having gone through all these extreme experiences, highs and lows, but the one thing that should remain conisistent is our love and loyalty because the end of that long list is ...till death do us part!  So many people I hear say, well he or she changed and they are not who I married so I have fallen out of love...those FEELINGS are not the vows we took when we married!  Yes, it takes a lot of work, but if we focus on these vows more every day of our married life, we would not be swept away at the first sight of what we think is greener pasture.  And make sure you are nurturing your relationship with the Lord even better since He comes before your spouse and will only make "working on your relationship with your spouse" SO much easier!

The following thoughts are what brought this idea to mind, so please ponder it with me:

What is the difference between a couple who is married, treats each other poorly, has a shelter, a spouse to live with, enough money for all their needs and a car to get around in whenever they need run somewhere

vs
a couple who is married, has a loving companionship, is homeless, has no vehicle and no consistent shelter, yet still remains to do all they can to get back on their feet financially?

I hope you can see the difference with me.  Especially during these tough economic times, people are having to cut back on those "things" that the first couple had to keep them busy and so now there is more focus on the time and love and companionship...When we get married, we need to respect and love and cherish our spouse no matter what changes in life...for Better or for Worse.  That love and respect will help us endure during these "worse" times that a lot of us might be facing right now until we get back to the "better" again.  Matthew 19:1-12

Pictured above is a past "better" time and cheesy things like this are what get us through

our "worse" times, laughter makes our hearts grow fonder!

A Heart Wrencher for Pet Lovers

My husband and I had to say goodbye to our sweet dog Sadie yesterday.  We found out about a month ago that she had cancer and the vet gave her 1-2 months to live...we got a great month.  I never would have thought that the Lord could use an animal to speak to our hearts, but it became more and more obvious in more ways than one that this was a very logical way for Him to speak to me and us. 

Isn't God's timing unbelievable!  God knew that we needed to reach deeper conversations and feelings before we completed our adoption applications.  He sure made it happen and I don't believe it would have been possible without this tragedy in our lives.  For those of you who know me intimately, know how I have longed for children for some time...those same people also know that Sadie was my first little girl, I took her everywhere a mother would take her children.  It didn't matter if I was going to run to the grocery store and be gone 15 minutes or I was going to travel for several days, Sadie was by my side.  She was such a beautiful example of what we now know, we will be capable of, with human children.  Also, since Sadie only lived 1/2 the life we would have expected a healthy dog to live, we also look at precious life in a different way...knowing that we don't know, only God knows how much time we have or that we have certain people in our lives.  We need to live life to the fullest!  There's a song that says, "Today is a gift that you've been given, live the most of your life every minute you're in it!"

So the verse this time is an amazing passage that came to me the day I learned about Sadie's illness (John 16:20-24).  The Lord gave me this precious dog and now he is taking her away from me, but I will soon have those children I have been longing for and begging him for for so long.  It's another season in our lives of the Lord giving and taking away.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and your families~may we be thankful for every precious life that we are able to touch and have touch ours~enjoy a time of fellowship this Thursday!

It's Only about YOU and HIM!

It's all about YOU, Jesus..And all this is for you...for your glory and your fame...it's not about ME or that You should do things MY way...You alone are God and you are worthy...to be praised! I so often wish I had a better voice because music sounds SO good in my head, especially when it's worship songs! This one came to mind, so I thought I'd just go with it:)

Well, I noticed a pattern today and whenever I notice a pattern of the same topic coming up over and over, I know there must be many more who need to hear it so let me share about a recent and consistent topic of conversation these last couple weeks for me. It's ALL ABOUT YOU AND HIM!

As much as every single one of us would LOVE to have that PERFECT spiritual relationship with the man we call our husband, it does not exist for many of us, at least not to the levels of what we think of as PERFECT. It is then that we need to remind ourselves that it's not about having that perfect relationship here on Earth, it's about our relationship with the Lord individually that needs to be focused on. Just focus on your OWN relationship with your Lord and let your husband focus on his OWN relationship with his Lord. Once you both are spiritually ready, the Lord will bring you together for what is more beautiful than what you imagine right now (this could be 6 mths or 6 years down the road). Let God do the work, quit trying to make it perfect for Him because it won't be...until He has you just where He wants you AND your husband. Work on yourself!

Forcing a spiritual relationship can sometimes feel similar to being unequally yoked: 2 Corinthians 6:14. Even though both of you might be Christian, you might not be spiritually mature enough to share with each other as God has designed it for us to enjoy. Be Patient in this because it's a long journey, but I'm seeing it be more and more worth it every day. Let's take baby steps and we'll get there. I'd like to dedicate this blog post to my Mom and Grammie for their witness throughout my life of how to build an independent relationship with God FIRST and FOREMOST because it's all about ME and HIM! I love you both so very much and thank you for showing me this most precious piece to life everlasting!

ToBeABride Hit the Road!

I have to start this off by thanking my wonderful "Fair Friend" connection who made this all possible, God works in mysterious ways and according to HIS purpose...Romans 8:28:) I had the opportunity to take the ToBeABride.com Blog on the road and have a booth at a Bridal Show in Santa Barbara this last Sunday. And just how he likes it, Satan was trying to tear me down and make me doubt myself during the whole drive there and boy did God step right in and blow him away ALL day long! The booth consisted of a banner stating "ToBeABride.com: Live your life as a Bride to both your husband and Jesus Christ...You'll be glad you did!" and about 30 or so sample books to show women's, men's, general and pre-marital perspectives. I have been building an inventory since I started the blog so that I can have them to be given away and this was definitely a place to do it! I gave books away to engaged men, engaged women, mothers & in-laws and even some who weren't related to a "Bridal Show" situation at all, but God led them to the booth that day! The following are several stories from my day at the Bridal Show and please check back now and then to see if I added anymore stories because if I forget any by the time I post this, I'll just add them on. Please enjoy and provide comments wherever the spirit leads you. I love you all and am so thankful for how God is using this Blog for ALL OF US to encourage each other along life's roads.

The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman
A gentleman walked up to the booth and was looking at the books and gasped before he said, "Oh, The 5 Love Languages, that book saved my marriage." As we continued to talk, he shared how he and his wife have passed the book on to several other married couples who they feel the book has done the same for them and he even recalled one couple getting REMARRIED as a result! God, THANK YOU for using this book to touch so many marriages!
That is the point of this blog is to encourage each other and pass on ways that we can keep our marriages ALIVE and CONNECTED and following God's plan for our lives by remaining with the one He chose for us to share His roads with. Each of us can touch someone else by sharing how a book worked in our lives and these one on one heart to heart conversations share our passion for how sacred marriage is to each of us. Don't hold back if you think you have a story that can help someone else!

Wild at Heart by John Eldredge
This was the MOST commented on book during the whole day. You'd think that the women would be the talkers, but actually the men shared how touched they were all day long and especially by this book! One gentleman was at the booth with his fiance and mother/in-law and he noticed this book. He mentioned to the ladies that a friend had told him what a great book it was, so I gave it to him after he promised to read it. I gave away four of this book that day and each time I shared my husband's point of view on this book, it melted every single guy. When my husband first read this book years ago, he called me and said, "If you want to understand me, read this book called Wild at Heart."
Another Mother-in-law was at the show and has been praying for her engaged daughter and her fiance non-stop. Her daughter is letting her know how tired she is of hearing, "Have you prayed about that?" and so the mother has been trying to find other ways to let her know her daughter that she cares. She mentioned that she knows her future son-in-law really likes to read and glanced down at the books and thought out loud, "Maybe that's what I need to do is try to find something for him since he's the reader." I immediately picked up Wild at Heart and handed it to her, again sharing my husband's story. She was so excited to get that book and send it to her future son-in-law.

Romancing Your Husband by Debra White Smith
This is the cutest story! A couple walked by the booth and were standing on the corner talking when the man turned and was looking at the books on the corner of the table where Romancing Your Husband happened to be placed. He was definitely eyeing that book then he walked away for a moment. As soon as he walked away I teased the lady, "Quick, hurry, he's gone, grab that book. I'm telling ya, he was looking at that book right before he left, he'd want you to have it." She began laughing hysterically and I convinced her that I was serious and she could have the book for FREE, so she finally took it and placed it in her bag just before he returned. I'd LOVE to hear the results of that book, I hope they have fun with it AFTER their big day!

God's Word!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hugs Bible
There was a sweet lady who stopped by the booth and mentioned that she used to have a Bible, but doesn't really know where it is now. She was thumbing through the Hugs Bible when I mentioned that I'd love for her to have that Bible if she promises to read it every now and then and she agreed. She was so thankful, it was precious!

God's Word!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Women of Faith Bible
I only left my booth two times on Sunday, once to use a restroom and once to say a quick comment to the photographer across the way. When I glanced back at the booth, there was a young lady standing there looking at the books and I didn't want to miss anyone, so I returned. Thank you God for prompting me that she was an important person to return to! I gave her my normal comment, "I have a blog that encourages marriages and these are a sample of books that can help us along the way." I got nothing, but she was intently thumbing through the books and gazing intently. I asked, "Are you engaged?" No. "Are you dating?" Finally a smile, but a response, "No, none of that, I'm just working here today." Well, this just happened to be in the last 45 minutes of the show when nearly every vendor at their booths didn't pay hardly any attention because they were restless to pack up and leave. Thank you Lord for giving me patience this day and being attentive because where the conversation led next was unbelievable! I asked, "Have you ever owned a Bible?" and she responded "I've never even gone to church before or anything, I don't know about any of this." So I began to share about a relationship with Jesus Christ and kept going from there...she was SOOOO open and just kept listening and making eye contact and just thirsting for more. I told her I would love for her to have that Bible if she promised me she'd read it every now and then, but she said she didn't think she would...so I told her I'd love to make that sacrifice and chance that she would.

OH WHAT A DAY, THIS IS THE DAY THAT THE LORD HAS MADE, I WILL REJOICE AND BE GLAD IN IT, THIS IS THE DAY, THIS IS THE DAY, THAT THE LORD HAS MADE!

Great Facebook Cause close to my heart

I used to serve with Every Generation Ministries in Temecula, CA and still have a deep love for the ministry they do around the world! Please join me in praying for this cause they are celebrating on Facebook along with a dear friend of mine's birthday:) By following the link above, you will read about a great Bride of Christ in Romania, I have met his brother who also serves with EGM in Romania and is doing great work there. You can also read more about EGM at their website. "Transforming children in Christ through HIS church" is the mission of EGM. Never will a child be passed by. Mark 10:13

Remembering a Legacy of a Bride!

It's been 1 year already since my precious Grammie passed away. We just buried her ashes on Friday and I am convinced she left a legacy that will NEVER be forgotten! The memories that were recalled among us ALWAYS referred to her sweet sweet personality that would never say anything bad about anyone, always on her knees in prayer when she was going through hard times and always encouraging others during their times of distress. My Grammie is a prime example of how we should live our life as a member of the Bride of Christ. Grammie quoted Ephesians 4:32 in the Memorial DVD from her interviews in 2006 when I recorded her talking about her life story.

Why would anyone look at the glass half empty?

I have been wanting to share something for a few months, but have been scared too. BUT that's what I want this Blog to be about, is helping each other on the things that really ARE tough. Even though I have God in my life everything isn't easy, BUT how can I look at a glass half empty when I know that God WILL take care of me...and now when I look back at the last several months, it is all the more encouraging how much He carried me!

I have been able to share with two marriages what I am going to share with hopefully many many more now as I write this and please pass it along to all you know because it seems to hit me every time I say it, just how important it is to remember. When my husband and I got married, we agreed that we would NEVER mention divorce and so we never really ever even think that way, let alone say it. Well, we had some rough times these past 6 months and I never thought my marriage would get to that point so it was then that I had to make the decision so that I WOULD NOT think that way anymore. It was like I had to renew my vow to myself. My choices were 1) Do you want to stay with this man no matter what? If yes, then you must continue trudging forward and never look back, working every situation through and continue living according to the promise we made when we married, Divorce is NOT an option. 2) Do you want to keep letting yourself get SO angry every time we hit a rough spot and let my mind get to the point of hurt and sorrow that it was at? If so, then you will not be happy and you are not living as God would want you to live with this husband of yours.

If you would simply love your husband the right way and look at the situations/confrontations the right way, ALL will be at peace. Thankfully I chose option 1 and I am so blessed that I did. I'm not saying it was easy from that day forward, but it really was because I chose not to look back, I made a decision to live a certain way and without God, it would NOT have been possible. I looked at the Glass Half Full and it was way more than half full when I relied on God and now when I look back, that's what got me through without a doubt! Thank you Lord for saving me, what can I say, You are my Everything, I will sing Your praise! Great are You Lord, Your truth has set me FREE! Revelations 21:2-4

Good Viral Forwarding:) I PROMISE!

I received this in an Email today and couldn't help, but share it with you all!

Look back and thank God.
Look forward and trust God.
Look around and serve God.
Look within and find God!

God closes doors no man can open.
God opens doors no man can close.

"God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever...." -Psalms 73:26

Pray different Today!

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

Usually I end the post with a Bible reference instead of starting with an entire Bible verse. Well, I can't help it today:) This verse has been more important to me in the last few weeks than anybody has known. I have learned how to PRAY these last few weeks and it's not because of some book I read, it's because my heart was broken and I turned to God. He had me right where I needed to be so that I could learn the value of prayer.

I've always know that God hears my prayers, so that hasn't been the problem...the problem is that I never have had to believe in something so strongly knowing that PRAYER was ALL I had to hold onto. What a beautiful thing, to have such strong faith and belief that MY GOD could make something happen that would have to drastically change something that I didn't think would change (before my prayer time started that is).

So I'm sorry I haven't posted much lately, but I've been busy having the time of my life with MY GOD! I write to you because I love you and He will ALWAYS love you...may you start your new Prayer Life with Him today, you won't regret it!

Do the Love Dare...You'll Be Glad You Did!

In my previous post "Don't Wait to Fireproof Your Marriage," I wrote to you about the movie Fireproof (based on the book Love Dare). I hadn't started the book at that point and honestly, I was being pretty stubborn not to. Well, I finally started it early December and it's only supposed to take 40 days to do it, but I'm only on Day 16 over a month later! It's not that I haven't been loyal to it, it's that I promised myself I wouldn't go on unless I fully accomplished the daily dare and I'm so glad that I have stuck to my word. The Lord has been working on me really hard so be ready for Him to mold you and break you and don't put it off like I did...you're ready now whether you think your marriage needs it or not. So go buy the book or if funds are too tight right now...I was on the Family Life website today (the same website I recommended in "Treat Yourself to a Retreat") and they email a dare every day and you can do it with them leading up to Valentine's Day.

I find it works best for me to review my day in the evening so I will reread my dare and make notes about it if I completed the dare or put the book away and work on it the next day. If I completed it, I will read the next days dare after I make notes and begin preparing my plans for the following day (beginning with prayer). Well, I was blown away yesterday with God's perfect timing because I had a really hard day in marriage-ville, which thankfully doesn't happen very often, but when I reread the dare for me to report on I immediately began to weep. The Lord knew all along that this was the exact Day I needed to be on on January 12 or it never would have affected me like it did...thus once again I am very glad I have taken my time in this book. 1 Peter 3:3-4 is what I needed to remember yesterday.

Thoughts of Thanksgiving

I am so thankful for those who stay in a marriage for their family and children despite the trials. There are some Christian women out there that are such angels and I talked with one recently who knew exactly what she was thankful for this Thanksgiving...that she had stayed with her husband through all those hard times because sharing her children and grandchildren with her husband as they grow older is so special. They celebrated 39 years together on Sunday and even enjoyed a romantic hot springs outing together to celebrate! Oh how sweet to hear a story such as this. I pray for those of you who think you are struggling and can't make it through to find a great and encouraging woman of wisdom like I have in life, God will use them to encourage you when you most need it. Titus 2:3-5

Laugh...It'll make you feel better!

Don't forget to smile, laugh, kiss, hug or any of those other feel good actions you do when you love someone. I know, sometimes I don't feel like doing it either, but have found that in those times when you least feel like it is when you should do it the most. It makes me feel a lot better because I know that's what God wants most...JOY in my life (Psalms 30)!

So next time your husband leaves the house and you didn't have a warm departure, be sure that when he walks back through that door at the end of the day...he only feels warmth and sees a smile on your face. That's how you would greet the Lord wouldn't you? I pray for us to have renewed love for our husbands daily through the Lord and that He may have JOY watching us interact with our husband knowing that we are just practicing for the day we meet up with Him in the clouds! Woohoo!!! 1 Thessalonians 4:17

With God, Nothing is Impossible!

Have you ever had one of those days where you think, "Man I need to call Dr. Laura and see what she has to say!"?? Or your Mom, or your sister, or that one friend, but then you realize the only reason you want to call that person is because you want to hear that what you think is RIGHT and they are that magic person who will confirm you are! Awe, caught! Well, today was one of those days for me, AGAIN. I really don't enjoy them at all, but when I look back on it, it was just another trial that had to be part of making me ME. ...oh I don't want to say it...ooooohhh, OK. Thank you Lord.
It has been a hard thing to learn, and it's only been with practice, but when I do want to call Dr. Laura, my Mom, sister or whoever...that is exactly when I stop myself and say, "No Baley, you need to be calling on your Heavenly Father right now and YES, He will give you the right answer even if it's not your right answer." Although I did not call anyone today, it still took me a long time before I went to the Lord because I didn't want to hear what I knew He had to say:) Caught AGAIN! Mark 10:27 can get me through and I pray it will get you through as well.
This is a picture of my brother and I, who lives over 500 miles away, but every time I think of him it lifts me up! Remember the things that make you happy in life and know they are worth living for.